I guess I just don't have a title for this post cause the weekend Masterclass was really great. You know that little feeling you get when you walk into a place and feel like you just only wish you could be there, but you're not really qualified to be there? That's how I feel about Emmanuel Church. I don't know if it's the Cantata-Every-Sunday thing or what, but I feel like it's a little piece of Baroque Heaven here in Boston. Plus, it's right across the street from a Burberry Store and down the street from a Chanel Store. How can this possibly be bad? Newbury Street is a mecca of fashion fabulousity. My teacher notified me that I was indeed to sing FIRST in the class. Whoa.

So, I waltzed in there at 1:30 pm, feeling a tad on the queasy side. I had been feeling a little funny in the tummy for about two weeks. I don't know what the deal is, but it's really been bothering me a lot. BUT, I pulled through and managed to get it up for this class. If I was going to meet John Harbison, I was NOT going to be sick for it.

A side note: The thing about Bach that always manages to surprise me, no matter HOW MANY ARIAS I LEARN is that it sounds easy when you listen to a very good performance of it. But when YOU start to learn the aria, it becomes an incredible challenge no matter HOW EASY THE NOTES ARE. The aria in question is the Soprano Aria from BWV 1 "Wie Schon Leuchtet der Morgenstern". This Cantata was written in 1725 for the Feast of the Annunciation. The aria is about Mary's elation about the conception of Christ, the Son of God. Rather erotic in the text (in a 16th century kind of way) and coupled with the Oboe di Caccia (or English Horn), it is a joyful aria, in B-flat Major, when the entire remainder of the Cantata is in F major. F major is the home key for English Horn and Horn (brass), so I suspect this is the reason for the key, rather than Affekt. But, I can't be sure (any Bach Scholars reading this entry feel free to chime in. I am not a Bach Scholar by any means). Anyway, the aria is HARD. It sounds easy and even looks non-threatening on the page, but is decievingly difficult. There's nowhere to take a decent breath and the line is everywhere, up down, all around. 

My first sing through for Maestro Harbison was decent (in my eyes), but not fabulous. Nerves and being sick did not help me. In a Masterclass, you can expect to perform your piece many times. Mr. Harbison quizzed me a little about the background of the aria and the bible (which, I confess I have not read. It's a shame for a Bach performer). We talked about how difficult it is to breathe during this aria. So, I performed the aria again. I ran out of breath in the middle of the first melisma, so I took a breath in the middle of it. After my performance this breath was the subject of much praise! Apparently, this was a very good choice and a very non-inturruptive place to breathe. It was talked about for about 10 minutes, which was a little akward because after a while, I had forgotten where exactly I had taken this breath. However, after my second performance and a few more disscussions, it was over and I relaxed through the next two and a half hours of Bach-fabulousness. I guess I was shocked. He said I had good instinct for the rep and good style. Yay! Here's to my road of Bach Specialist-ness.

So, who knows what will happen now. I guess I'll talk to my teacher and see if this opens up any opportunities or not. I really enjoyed performing there and would just love to be able to do more there. I wonder what my next adventure will be.

When  I was younger (much younger, like 10) I learned piano under a Suzuki piano instructor who I loved and respected. Now that I'm working out there in the real world, I now realize how much that method of learning has handicapped me and I am very saddened by it. I have always had a very good memory for music and upon hearing a piece, I could most likely figure it out before actually seeing sheet music. Most musicians have this talent naturally or have developed this skill, but I found myself depending on it. I never was taught to sight-read and now that I'm considering teaching, I'm finding it to be very crippling. So, I have decided to re-start my keyboard education on my own because I cannot afford to pay for another private teacher at this time (damn economy).

The first thing I discovered was that, scales were very difficult to re-learn. Even the simple C major scale started to give me trouble when played for two octaves ascending and then descending. The second thing I discovered is that, looking at the keys while you play is a very bad habit that HAS to be broken. It's hard to get a grasp of just where to put your fingers down on the keyboard, but I assume the learning curve will be similar to learning to type on a keyboard...eventually, you just learn where all the keys are and you just type.

I also discovered how difficult Hanon exercises actually are. Even the first one.

Lastly, my sight-reading is non-existent of course. Learning to actually do it, is VERY frustrating and I suppose, needs to be practiced. It's frustrating, because it's going to take months, even years to get to the level that I want to be at. Right now, I can probably comfortably sight-read at level 2. Level 2 is pretty simple, so I'm hoping to move up eventually to level 3 by summer. It's just mentally challenging and makes me feel retarded, Here I am, Master's Degree, professional level soprano and my piano skills are pathetic. It's mortifying, but I guess I'm at least making progress.

The 21st is Bach's Birthday!! My wonderful, wonderful voice teacher has arranged for me to sing a Masterclass at Emmanuel Church. The masterclass will feature Bach chamber works and arias from cantatas. So, I am performing "Erfullet der Himmlichen gottlichen Flammen" (BWV 1) with the amazing oboist Peggy Pearson and Michael Beattie at the organ. I am more than a tad bit freaked out about this. I went to Emmanuel randomly when I first came to Boston and was shocked and amazed when I encountered a full Bach Cantata during the service. Having grown up as a John Eliot Gardiner and Philip Herreweghe diciple, I was FLOORED by what I saw and heard. I decided that I was most certainly in the right city. For a time, Emmanuel music has had a sort of amazing alien-like, godly place in my world. I was fortunate enough to sing in Back Bay Chorale when Emmanuel Music was hired to play during our St. Matthew Passion. I just considered myself so fortunate to sing in the chorus with such fabulosity in the orchestra...now it's all different. Now, I'm right up in there with the fabulosity and I'm totally intimidated. The added pressure of this being a sort of "alternative audition" for choral sublisting, doesn't help me either. I have a rehearsal with Peggy tomorrow, so I'm hoping that goes well.  I had asked an additional oboist to play as well, but now cannot locate him. Frustration!

Anyway, on the bright side, I finally have a reason to wear my Bach Seal necklace. YES. I'm also making Bach Seal cookies for the occasion :)

In other news, I was thrilled to get my brochure for the Amhearst Early Music Festival in the mail the other day. Yay! I was wondering if the ecomony was going to effect the ability to run the program this year, but it seems they are doing well and they are keeping the tuition the same as in 2008! This is wonderful to hear! I definitely plan on auditioning for the program this year!

You know, losing an hour has never sat well with me. I never adjusted well, I always thought I was getting cheated out of much-needed sleep, but this year, I at least appreciate the light that this now lasting longer in the day.

Last night, I sang Beethoven Mass in C, a  piece I know very well. Virtually memorized. The thing is, once I perform a piece like that, I never forget it, so I could just focus on singing and watching the conductor. For the first time, I noticed that not only our esteemed maestro seemed to be doing his job, the music actually seemed to be bringing him joy, which made him a delight to watch the entire time. Sometimes, it brings you back to why you perform in the first place. Very fun.

So, like when I was in college, I was really obsessed with all things Baroque and that HIP sound. I totally wanted to join all of the HIP choral groups in the city, including one very lovely, prestigeous ensemble, let's just call them Awesome HIP group. I auditioned for Awesome HIP Group my sophomore year in college (I am 19 years old, maybe 20). I got a nice call from the personnel manager saying that my audition was really good, but I was not selected over a more experienced singer and encouraged to audition again next year.

I auditioned again, my first year of graduate school thinking for sure...I would get in. This time, they just sent me a PFO notification in the mail. This was not good! I had gone downhill!!! Discouraged, I stopped auditioning for them and other HiP groups. Then I stopped singing altogether. What the hell use was it?

When I saw listing for Awesome HiP group on YAP Tracker this fall, I automatically wrote them an email and set up an audition. Then, a couplee of weeks later, I totally panicked. What was I doing auditioning for them again? They didn't like me TWICE...for shame. Plus, my sightreading skills had actually gone downhill since my last audition nearly 10 years ago. I almost cancelled it. But something told me to go and sing for them one last time...if it didn't work out, it probably wasn't in the cards for me now or ever.

I put on my cute brown dress, got my ass on the T, and packed my copy of "Aus Liebe" from the St Matthew Passion. Lovely conductor in question didn't really remember me from the last audition, so I took the opportunity to make a fresh start with said conductor and group. The pianist played Aus Liebe at a SNAIL'S pace. But instead of trying to pick it up in tempo, I just went with the flow. You want me to sing it ass slow? FINE. WATCH ME. I have the breath control of a superhero.

The sightreading went well. I talked a little about myself, was nice and likeable and left. I thought to myself; "You know honestly, that couldn't have gone any better. I sang well, I read well, I did well!"

I got an offer to sing a concert the next day.

You never know...lesson learned. Keep knocking on that door until someone answers. Even if you're a soprano.

When I was in college and in grad school and singing pretty regularly, my sight-reading skills were good. Slightly above average even, if I dare to go even that far. I have not been needing to do much sight-reading in the last 5 years or even much singing at all since I stopped pursuing it as a career. So my sight-reading skills just declined until they weren't there anymore. And now...NOW...I am HANDICAPPED by it completely. Working on your musicianship is a long, arduous, painful process. Solfege exercises...I even find myself struggling when I ask myself; "What key are we in?". Jesus...what has become of the intelligent soprano. I've been too busy balancing equations and pushing electrons. I'm hoping by this time next year, I'll be back to where I was before. But, don't think it's not painful. I have an audition next week in which I'm sure I'm going to have to do some sight singing. I'm not looking forward to it.

Anyway, I have a lesson today and I'm looking forward to it. I have a  bunch of new arias on my plate. So my arias I am offering has increased:

Chacun Le Sait
Air de Feu (Fire Aria)
Bester Jungling
Durch Zartlichkeit (actually not sure about this one. I'll keep working on it. I can sing it, but it's not amazing)
Mein Herr Marquis
Be Kind and Courteous
Summertime
Volta la Terrea
Saper Vorreste
Sul fin d'un soffio
Tornami a vagghegiar (I only like to sing this for early opera auditions)

As you can see...this is eleven. I think as a coloratura, I should be prepared to sing MANY arias instead of just 5-7, depending on the situation. I'm pretty happy with this arsenal.

I've been in a downward spiral which is...I guess...something to be expected. On a positive note, in month seven of my return to singing from pre-vet land, I've been performing pretty consistently. I had the opera in February, lots of auditions in the spring, which resulted in me singing my first full opera role in June. I had some fundraiser concerts in July and in August, I had a nice solo concert with a local choral group. I guess this is doing okay...but you know what's NOT going as planned...auditioning.

For some reason I have been BOMBING at auditions. The gig that was recommended to me? Yeah...I BOMBED that audition and didn't get it? Both of my auditions for church gigs? BOMB. Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit when I say bomb, but being mediocre and BOMBING in the music world if you're a soprano may as well be the exact same thing.

Now I know that if you get 1 out of 100 gigs you're auditioning for, you're doing well. Yes...great. Plus, I have been getting a lot of gigs that I DIDN'T have to audition for which is FABULOUS. AND I'm keeping on...nothing's going to stop me from auditioning...but MAN...can I just get ONE of these?

So...thus begins my first audition season (drum roll) here is my aria list:

• Bester Jungling
• Be Kind and Courteous
• Chacun le Sait
• Volta la Terrea
• Durch Zartlichkeit
• Summertime
• Caro Nome

These are all short enough. I'd love to slide Glitter and Be Gay in there, but I don't like to cut :P

The saga continues...

You know what the best thing to read in your inbox is? "...I've recommended you for a gig..."

Sweet. You never know how the auditions you didn't get the gig are going to turn out I suppose, which reminds me once again, that you should just go ahead and sing for as many people as you can while you can. You never know what will turn out...even if it's not what you planned for.

Now, I have the challenge of learning not one but TWO new pieces of music. One has MANY time signature changes and even has the little triangles and hash-marks, LOL. Hoo-boy...But you know what? If I'm the new music princess, I'll gladly wear that crown. Who needs boring? Bring on all the weird atonal shit! I'm your girl!!!!

In related other news...I'm totally over being a stupid singer. Time to get my musicianship back under control...especially after the horrendous sight-singing disaster that was an audition on Monday. Oops! I really don't feel confident sight-singing anymore...I've become a moron! So...I am going to head up to Yesterday's Music Service today to see what they've got in sight-singing books. When I was in college...I wanted to DESTROY my sight-singing book, but now i wish I could find it >_< DAMMIT!!! The stupidity of youth!!!

I gotta call my teacher...I'm starting to freak out a little bit...

As a soprano, I have a lot of strikes against me...plus, I'm over 30 which makes it even more challenging. I have droves of young, beautiful chirping soprani in my wake and it makes for a difficult time getting hired. I recently went to an audition to which I was quasi invited and sang a "requested" aria (not one of my prepared pieces) and still got a big fat; "Thank you, but no." notice.

I have been rocking in my voice lessons, but somehow SUCKING in my auditions. I get cotton mouth and sometimes I even shake. And I sound like 60% of my actual voice. It brings to mind...how to keep a level-head, but still the idea in your mind that you're fabulous at the same time? It's a tricky little balance that all singers must deal with.

Your teacher may tell you you're fabulous, but the truth is...in this town...A lot of people are fabulous. A LOT. The million dollar question is how to make yourself 50% MORE fabulous than the soprano ahead of you. And then there are factors that are not under your control - You were too short/tall/skinny/light/not pretty enough...whatever. You can't do anything about this crap and there's no way of knowing whether or not you're up against these kinds of circumstances. It's fucked up, hard to deal with and completely unfair.

But we solider on. We schedule more auditions...and sing more arias and songs for strangers while they judge us. We know that sometime along the way...someone will say; "Yes

Also...just got this 5 minutes ago:

"Thank you very much for auditioning for **********. We enjoyed hearing you sing and will keep your details on file for our reference.
We wish you all the best as you seek to develop your career."

This sounds like; "Um yeah, don't call us, we'll call you."

I mean, can your self-esteem withstand all this rejection? This is worse than eHarmony!!!!